"How is your Dad doing?" . . .

I never really know just how to answer the question of how Dad's doing. It seems like it's all I can do to choke back the tears and simply answer, "Oh, he's okay." I even asked him today what I should say to people that ask about him and he just quietly shook his head. He was in much too much pain to answer my question. It feels like my heart is breaking into a million pieces every time I say, "Oh, he's okay" or "We're hangin' in there". Last Monday we went to a Memorial Day BBQ at my Brother-in-law's house and I was overwhelmed with how inadequate I felt at letting my in-laws know how Dad is doing. I discovered that I much prefer to hug rather than answer any questions. One of my sweet sister-in-law's could tell I didn't know what to say, so she just hugged me and somehow it just made it all better.

Today I found out that Mom has a pretty difficult time answering the question as well. I had stayed with Dad for the afternoon while Mom went to get more medical supplies and by the time she came home, Dad was not doing well. I had convinced him to take his pain medications, but I have to admit, Mom is a much better nurse than I am. I ended up calling her and asking her what to do because it had only been two hours since Dad had taken his meds and he was needing more relief from the pain. She came right home and knew exactly what to do. As a matter of fact, I found myself thinking that the title of my next post should be, "Unsung Heroes" because she was truly amazing and definitely heroic in how she took care of Dad so quickly. She got right to work getting him into bed, uncovering a spot where she could place two fentanyl patches (marking the patches with a magic marker so she knows where to find them--I'm not quite sure why they're clear, they're really tricky to find!), charting the medications she had given Dad earlier in the day, draining the tubes from his kidney, changing his stoma (which looked a little bit infected), and then holding a bucket for him while he vomited--violently! All of this seemed to take place in just a matter of minutes. She then told him she was making him fish sticks and tater tots for dinner and he seemed really excited about it--he hadn't eaten anything all day. Dad then laid quietly in bed. He looked really pale, but he was calm for the moment and we began to clean up.

Mom and I walked outside to take out the trash and just at that moment a neighbor walked by with her fluffy little puppy. She came up to us and asked Mom, "So, how are you guys doing?" Mom had just been through this terribly hectic and stressful ordeal and the only thing she could think of to say was, "Oh, we're hangin' in there". I'm just not sure there really are any other answers. I wonder what would have happened if Mom's neighbor had just come up and given her a big hug... I'm pretty sure Mom would have broken down into tears, but I think maybe--just for a moment--everything would have been all better!